So it's Christmas (Off Air)

Well, now life is kinda in limbo health wise, lots of hurry up and wait for the next steps.

And the mayhem of trying to reach out and touch EVERYBODY is in full swing.

Weird what kind of reaction this holiday season illicits in folks.

As a little kid, I would furiously pull out all of my dolls and other toys and play with them constantly especially the ones that were at the very back of the closet. I don't know if I felt they were feeling unloved or underappreciated or if in some small way I knew that that moment would never come again.

So, it was with some of that same feeling that the Christmas playlist was pulled together this year.
(Am taking the actual day off to spend with family) Songs that have been on the list every year the show has been on the air. Songs that have never been played. Gotta tell you, I choked up with a few of them.

This is my way of letting people know that I am living this time with them even if I can't say it face to face. After all, we are all in this together

With that, may I wish anyone reading this and those listening and supporting community radio a very happy holiday and may you have a peaceful and joyous new year.

Be thinking of you,

Carol B

Friday (After The Show)

Don't know really how the days ahead will play out but let me tell you, it was hard concentrating on the show tonight.

We all take for granted that the folks we see and hear in the media will always be the same. That nothing ever happens to them. And when they do disappear from our lives, they do just that.  Suddenly someone else is in their place and the cycle continues, uninterrupted. We rarely know what happened to bring about the change, but life goes on and it isn't more than of passing interest in most cases.

Have been faced today with the possibility that I may lose my voice in the event that the abnormalities in my thyroid turn out to be cancer. Surgery to remove the offending organ will do that, you know. The thyroid is so close to the vocal cords that it is never guaranteed that they will recover their original pitch. Then of course there is the radiation to consider, another whole can of worms. Mind you at this point, 5 days before I go in to review the results of the ultrasound, nothing is known for sure. It's just that in my experience when you have a test on a Wednesday, you never get a call back a day and a half later unless there is something afoot.

The prospect of giving up the one thing I truly love, the radio show, is heartbreaking. I can't imagine not using my voice to share music and reach out to listeners who have over the last few years become friends.

Wow. Waiting for the appointment is going to be agony, but the worst case results would be crushing.

Friday the 13th (on air)

Wow.

As if the stress of the membership drive wasn't enough (and a number of personal family issues leading up to tonight) then just as I was entering the studio, the news of the attacks on Paris were announced in the phone room.

It was at that moment that my first instinct was just to pack up and leave. Not speak to anyone, not offer an explanation, just up and leave. Quit the show. Never enter the doors again.

I mean, after all, here we are raising money to keep a community radio station alive and on the air, and there are people not only in Paris but globally who are dying and being injured for something they have absolutely no control over. There will be more people who will suffer the injustice of racism and hate when they were in no way involved in the agenda that brought this and other acts of terror about.
Kids, young people, the elderly, citizens like you and me, all wiped out without the perpetrators even knowing who they were.
This is fucking insane.

Anyway, I did after all do my duty to the station. I was numb but comforted to know that some folks heard what I did and valued what community radio stood for.  And then it slowly dawned on me that there was a reason for it to continue, a real purpose.

Without this kind of operation, those of all cultures and ideas do not have the same access to a voice, even in a small way. Without CIUT, we lose another chance to connect with groups and ideas outside of our own.

It seems like a small thing in light of what is happening. But it is something. And change happens from a growing number of somethings: ways of thinking, seeing and hearing the other side of every story and connecting the voices of real people to those things.

I need some silence and peace right now.

I will return.

Day Three of Membership Drive (Off Air)

Don't really think there is much point in blogging until the drive is over and the family crises are over.

Most listeners only know me through the weekly show, and sometimes it's hard to realize that that voice has a lot on the go, good and bad, when it's not on air.

However, despite all the goings-on this week and moving forward, membership drives can't be ignored.  Have done probably about 8 at this point, either on the phones or on the air. It makes me feel so alone and unloved sometimes. For those who call in and either say hi or donate, I don't want to sound ungrateful or unappreciative. It's just that this process is a necessary part of the station's survival and somehow it always becomes a popularity contest.

I donate to a whack of shows. I don't want them to feel what I do.

Having said that, if you are reading this and support community radio, even if you don't earmark your dollars for one show, please do it during my time slot.

As the man says, reach out and touch somebody. It gets really lonely out here.
And I promise not to spend it, even for jujubes.

Show Day (On Air)

Well, a number of the old stalwarts were at a pre membership drive meeting last night. I kinda like those things because I get to put faces to the names I hear bantered around from year to year.
Sometimes they surprise me...radio folk often don't look the way you think they will.

Anyway, despite dealing with one family crisis after another, the show is ready to air and the membership show is in the works. "Keep it punchy, keep it fresh, don't compromise the show for the drive but make sure tons of people give." Feels like it should be easy to get donations from listeners but in reality it seems to be the same faithful guys and gals who listen every week. I feel as if we are family at this point. Hell, we even email one another or became Facebook friends.

So on with the show, I guess. This week really feels like the calm before the storm. Or tsunami.

Tuesday in the City (Off Air)

In a perfect world, everyone would have a few dollars to support community radio.

Everyone, at least those who listen, would make that call during the show that let me know that I had not been working in vain. Someone was out there and they might miss me if I was  no longer.

Asking for financial support is really hard. I wish I didn't have to do it, but without big bucks in advertising and corporate sponsorship, it is a cold reality that those who find us on the dial are asked to help keep the station afloat.

And being Canadian, I am writing cheques for other people's shows just so that they don't feel unloved.

Sure hope someone does it for me.

Friday (on Air)

My favorite holiday is Halloween. No ifs, ands or buts.

Why then do I only have one hour to play the soundtrack to the best time of the year?

Hell, I'm not asking for more money (don't get paid) or a benefit package (now I am getting ridiculous)

I don't want an office, free coffee (end up buying it for everyone else) or a travel allowance.

Just want more time to play spooky, scary, corny, downright weird music this one time each year.

I would protest but there is no one around to listen.

Pass the candy corn

Day before the show (Off Air)

It's been a really rough week. Loads of things to think about.  Phone calls to deal with things not related to the show or my life as it sits at the moment.

Thank God for Halloween this weekend. And the Spooktacular playlist for Friday.

I kinda wish I had about three hours to play with. There are so many classics that I just didn't have enough time to include, not to mention some really old tracks unearthed this week. I do love my vintage tracks. Too bad the production quality is so poor at times.

Anyhow, I suppose one just embraces the event for what it can be and despite dealing with unrelated matters, grab way too many little chocolate bars, put on some highly inappropriate clothing, open a bottle of wine to share with the neighbours and go for it.

Be safe, my friends. And remember, small chocolate bars do not count as calories.

Show Day (On Air)

The week between a festival and Halloween, the most revered of all radio holidays, is never an easy one to program.

Kinda figured it best to include some of the artists who didn't make the Indie show last week (purely due to lack of time, of course) but then out of nowhere loads more stuff came through thanks to the mystery of the interweb gods. So the playlist just sort of became its own entity with the pile up of good music. I love/hate it when that happens. Who doesn't love mail even if it's e(vil) mail? And then you feel compelled to immediately use it.  Well, I do anyway.

Frankly going to the station today is going to be the highlight of the weekend. Heard weird distressed noises in the dark last night outside the kitchen window and being the coward I am didn't head out back with a flashlight to see what the hub bub was about. Just as well, dead rat in the window well. Also a real mess from the raccoon armageddon that takes place on a weekly basis. Not that any of that affects the show but still, it's a comfort to know that CIUT is a reasonably safe bet not to have wild animal turf wars between 7 and 8 pm.

At least that's the hope.

Now on to the Spooktacular playlist for next Friday. Be very afraid.

Election Day (off air)

Despite the fact that the election results really won't impact on community radio per se, I am kinda holding my breath to see who makes it in.

Our national broadcast system could lose even more funding dependent on the outcome of tonight's vote. Not sure it could ever recover even if the next government after this one decides to refuel it's funding. And the one thing that does unite this really big land mass is the CBC.

I am holding my breath on this one. And listening to music today while cleaning out the frig and using everything in it to make meals in advance.

Honestly, got nothing today.

The Day After (off air)

I am simply too sick to listen to anything at the present.

The Indie show went well, only wish there was more time. An hour show just isn't enough.

Will see what the car radio has to offer today. Stay tuned.

Game Day (on and off air)

Another Friday, another show.

This time it's all about Indie Week in Toronto as I think I mentioned yesterday. Went out last night to see someone not even officially part of the event, Clara Venice, who has once again inspired me beyond words to get out there and start making music. With a theremin. And anything else I can dredge up from the masses of stuff reciding in the basement. (I get tired just typing that)

So here it goes, today is show day and the playlist is set, burned, checked, posted and tweeted.
Thankfully the folks who have been included in the list are all really interesting and some of them no strangers to the show. Doing festival playlists aren't always easy, particularily when they are completely unknown to me, but on the other side of the coin, it keeps things fresh.

Let's see how the audience responds. Mind you, competing with the Blue Jays and the festival itself tonight might just be a losing cause.

Indie Week (off air)

This is Indie Week in Toronto and as such, I have worked to put together a playlist that touches on some of the 300 bands who will be here in town.

As well, have posted some random picks on the blog to show folks just how diverse and interesting the event can be. Sometimes looking at the whole schedule is rather daunting, but if there are suggestions, well, it might just spur them on to look a little more closely and actually go to something. That's the theory anyway.

Of course, being part of a community station that actually plays this music (generally new artists, unsigned, non commercial etc) one ends up being invited to their shows and put on the guest list.
No volunteer does what they do for the money. Straight up, it costs to do a program on a community station. And this is a really nice perk. But...bands don't make much when they play the clubs and small venues. Hell most of them are happy to have gas money and a beer.

Therefore, if possible, consider this.

Ensure your admission by agreeing to the guest list. Then pay at the door if you can.
It's generally about $5 or so and if everyone did this, the band will be able to afford to play somewhere else or replace their guitar strings or eat a meal.

It's all about supporting one another.

Now go out there and listen to some live music.

Post Turkey hangover (off air)

Well, survived a family weekend that would make most grown men dry.

Thank God for Tuesday.

And actually started the day off with a little (paid) work as well as sending demo discs (you know me by now, very old school) to another radio station to see if they want me on their schedule from afar.
Of course this will mean figuring out the whole art of podcasting and working from home etc etc.
Can't expect the current station to give me tech backup and studio time for someone else on a weekly basis.

Or can I? (I can be such a brat)

This is Indie week in Toronto and with that comes sourcing a shit load of music from the festival so that the playlist reflects at least some of the bands that are playing. I can see this is going to be a long night tonight.

Stay tuned for more from the happily scattered ultrabusy programmer from hell.

Things to be thankful for (Off Air)

It's the Thanksgiving weekend. Got over one hurdle and have a relatively quiet day before leaping over another. Family can honestly pull you sharply out of your life of the moment and make you remember all the things that make you who you are: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I suspect that's the real reason so many of us find the holidays stressful sometimes.

However, this year, aside from being thankful that I even have a family, I am chosing to think about  other things

I live in a country where it's encouraged to vote without the threat of harm if I don't vote for the "right" candidate.

There is enough to eat and clean water to drink. Don't have to worry that if I get sick I will be making a choice between somewhere to live and health care. Take quite a long time listing all the folks who make my life full of joy and laughter.

And I can create a radio program and have it heard by friends around the world.

These are all blessings that money can't buy.

Best wishes to everyone for a peaceful and joyous time.

Friday Show Day (On Air)

Despite doing this for years both at this station and in Guelph many moons ago, I am always a little frightened by the prospect of going on the air. I think I have already shared that fact, but today for some reason it seems even worse than it has before. Not really sure what that's all about. I mean, it's a long weekend, people are already heading out of town to spend time with loved ones or even not so loved ones. One of my most consistent listeners is going to hear Stevie Wonder tonight as luck would have it.

Maybe I just need to remember that it's like any other holiday weekend. If no one responds to this it's no big deal. If I stumble over announcements or forget to do something, the earth will not suddenly burst into a fiery ball and end life as we know it.

Clearly I need to quit drinking coffee before show time. Maybe I need to consider taking up drinking.

Or maybe I'm just overthinking the whole thing.

Can you imagine if this was a paying, ratings dependent gig? Lord, now I am really nervous.

Time to walk the dog.

Playlist Day (off air)

It's been a good start to the day.

Found some excellent music in the pile of things to listen to, managed to do an almost entirely Canadian list this week, have posted the playlist to the blog in good time.

Now for the fun part.

I actually have to do the SOCAN log this week because I jumped the gun and did it last week when it wasn't due. Sometimes it really pays to read the email closely and not try to multitask. That laundry could have waited another minute as it turned out.

Sometimes finding the actual author/composer of the tracks is a challenge. The hip hop guys have it worse though as many of the artists use aliases and also the mashups are like teasing apart a tangle of wires or wool.

Guess I shouldn't complain and there is no time like the present to do it.

You know, I think I hear the laundry calling.....

And the Beat Goes On

When you are firmly entrenched in one style of programming, how does one switch gears?

This is a question so many volunteers have faced and can't really agree on the best way to attack it.

Am currently looking to stretch out a bit and do a more mellow, subdued late night format for another project, but while pulling music, find that the tendency to try and shake the tempo up part way through is pretty strong.

So...did a regular playlist. Slowly replaced the punk/rock/garage etc cuts with things that reminded me of them but didn't kick you in the head. Hmm...only partially successful. Rearranged the list.
Tried again to replace things that didn't really flow. Too choppy. Threw it out. Started again.

After a couple of hours, the list is far from perfect but have managed to keep the rock and roll wolves from the door.

Now I'm not even sure this is the direction I want to go.

Oh brother. This side project might be doomed. More coffee, bartender.

Time To Review Music (off air)

It's Sunday.

Normally that's a day to travel out to see father, do what needs doing at his place, come home to work outside and generally kick back before the upcoming week.
However the schedule has been turned around this weekend and uncharacteristically there are a few hours without specific routines to follow.

This can mean only one thing.

Preview the music that is sitting by the computer for next week's shows.

Let's face it, my life is hell. Not.

Show Day (on air)

Ever have a day when things start out well and threaten to stay that way?

After a weird and kinda surreal week outside of the station, today looks as if it will be a good one.
Finger crossed, also toes and eyes, although we all know they might stay that way if we do it enough.
(Gad, Mom really knew how to instill fear in her kids)

This playlist looks somewhat more balanced. Let's see if social media responds in any way.

On the equally important side of things, what to feed the hip hop crew on the show following Ruby Slippers?

Danish and chocolate croissants seem the way to go, although if someone doesn't remove the banana bread from my frig, I will eat it all with only small amounts going to the ever faithful dog.

The only real glitch, and it is a minor one in the scheme of things, is the need to fill in a SOCAN log. Being the too busy gal I was this week, misread the date of this and stayed up last night sussing out the composer/author information for all the songs.

Then, I rearead the email and realized  that SOCAN isn't due until NEXT week's show.

Details, details.

(That Danish is starting to look kinda good.....)

The countdown to showtime begins.

ADDENDUM

Show went smoothly. Had some response and it was good. What a relief. As much as it is amazing to do a show for yourself, it's even better to share it with like minded folks.

Wednesday Playlist Day (Off Air)

Not much to tell today.

Had to actually do some work other than music stuff, but managed to make some substitutions in the playlist to toughen it up a bit. Added more Canadian but in the rock genre, so hopefully the mix will be more evenly balanced.

It honestly feels kinda weird to be consciously changing things around to sound more like the show usually sounds. Wow, what's happening? Is there a cross over of two worlds or what?

However, there is always a bright side. I brought home a whack of CDs from the station (never do that) so that the sounds were fresh to me. The strange thing about CIUT is that there are tons of discs but no one ever uses them. In this corner at least, that is going to change, pronto.

Never a dull moment.

Have posted to blogger the playlist. Let's see how it plays out.

A Typical Tuesday (off air)

It used to be that when I was under stress, I just clock watched all night long. You know, woke every hour checking to make sure the alarm didn't crap out or the power hadn't been cut or something.

Last night, instead, I dreamt that I was doing a show and not only were the ads thrown all over the station out of their cases but I had no idea what I was supposed to be playing. The CDs were running at the same time as the prerecord ahead of me and then...DEAD AIR... and I was powerless, catatonic in fact, to do anything about it.

Woke up in a cold sweat. Later than usual, as a matter of fact.

I can only hope that when the specialists' appointments I am facing are over, things will go back to their usual mildly chaotic ways.

Mind you, I would rather have nightmares about monsters or falling than screwing up while on air.

There's no denying it, I am a programmer to the core.

New Direction?

Survived another weekend. Have to admit to not listening to the local music stations while commuting out of town to see my father. Somehow the sound of silence (OK, I don't drive a hybrid, I did have road and engine noise) was a better choice in some ways, but not so in others.

Was thinking the entire time about what changed with the show.

Now I know that sounds kinda of stupid, in fact typing this calls into question my sanity even as I say it. Yup, I am the one picking the music. As much as I blame the dog (also for foul odours, losing lottery numbers and a general messiness) she doesn't really have a lot to do with it. And for the last four years or whatever it is now, I seem to do this organically. So I decided when I got back from the trek to start looking at music for this week.

Weird. Another one with a lot of eerie, contemplative, almost spiritual stuff.

Is it because of the fall? Is it because of all the personal shit that is swirling around of late?

Might take another run at this tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm burning this one. It really does reflect a deep seated connection to something. Maybe it's only for me.

Stay tuned.

Uh Oh (Off Air)

The day after a show airs is full of apprehension.

I sometimes question why I put myself through this every week.

Normally there is some sort of feedback in social media during the actual broadcast and thus an affirmation that the playlist is going over well. But when the Twitter and Radioflag feed is quiet....
Well, it's easy to think that perhaps the direction of the show was not what the audience thought it would be.

This week, for example, there was more experimental and electronic music in the mix. Not really sure how that happened but it did, that's the way an open format show rolls sometimes. If it stuck to strictly indie and rock, well, it wouldn't be open format any more. There was also a very large Canadian component. Not a liability normally but most of the artists were perhaps not familiar to a broader audience. In any case, my canary in the coal mine, a friend and faithful listener, noted that the show was different in it's over all feel. Translation: thud?

Add to that the fact that the previous show on air was kinda off the beaten track too. At one point I thought perhaps she had played Michael Buble. Not the usual fare for Catwoman (a rockabilly/garage/punk/Latin show) (Was there something in the air this week?)

Today will spend some time going over the playlist and see if I can figure out what changed. Also review and pull from a stack of CDs from the station proper.

I'm likely being overly sensitive.  Sometimes this gig is hard.

Game Day (On Air)

You would think after all this time, years in fact, the prospect of going on air would be like rolling off a log.

 Well, have never been know for my agility and in fact feel more like I'm about to do a face plant.

Remember the episode of WKRP when Johnny Fever suddenly realized a whole whack of people were listening to him? He choked. I have to fight that each and every week, that is after I stress that the CDs for the ads and station ID will play without too much dead air and without a hitch.

Of course once the first song from the playlist actually gets going, things seem to calm down a bit. And using the same intro patter also settles jangled nerves.

Gonna let you in on a little secret.

A lot of people who go into radio are actually very shy in person. Broadcasting allows those of us who have issues with that to communicate in a safe and protected way.

Just hope I never really figure out who is on the other end of the receiver.

The other concern is how long the milk has been in the station frig.

The Playlist Day (Off Air)

Well, it's Wednesday. And that means it's high time the playlist was chosen for this week's show.
Sure it seems kind of early to be doing this, but in the event of a family or other crisis, it's nice to know that the one thing I don't have to worry about is Ruby Slippers.

Having said that...

The problem with setting the playlist this early, posting it online, burning it to disc and reviewing those discs is that if something really great comes up between now and Friday, well, it may just have to wait another week. I realize this sounds inflexible and rather anal retentive, but it's a system that has worked for nearly 4 years and why mess with success.  It's crazy enough that just pulling 17 songs and rearranging them, replacing the ones that don't work, rearranging again, etc etc takes hours of time.

There are days that the use of vinyl exclusively seems so much more freeing. Who cares if you shuffle the albums while doing the show?

Sadly, volunteer organizations don't have therapists on staff. Perhaps I need one.

But for now, excuse me while I go back to pulling the playlist.

Observation (Off Air)

What's not to love about a track entitled "This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things?"

Or "We are Going To Hell...so Bring The Sunblock" ?

Who are you, "The Blackout"?

Clearly I have some previewing to do tonight

Inspiration For This Week's Show (Off Air)

While at breakfast with a couple of tuned in folk, the topic of Riotfest came up.
I asked, out of the lineup, who would they most like to see?

Now for those of you who aren't familiar with Riotfest, here is the skinny.

A) Takes place in a very large field/park with an enormous Devil mask at the front gate.

B) Happens regardless of the weather. This year, there was a rather large Saturday deluge of water. It was fast and furious however and no doubt did nothing to dampen the spirit of the event. (People in the know take rubber boots and rain gear)

C) Generally concentrates on pretty heavy awesome stuff. As witness, this year had Motorhead.

Well, the concensus was that Weezer would be the marquee act. Yes, Weezer, along with enough brain melting music to keep most metalheads very happy for months.

Apparently they were going to play Pinkerton and either the Blue or Green album in their entireties on Saturday and Sunday.

So this got me thinking.

What kind of pairings could I do this week that would be diametrically opposed and yet satisfy everyone?

This will be my quest for the next two days.

Be very afraid

Towers of CDs (Off Air)

Every music programmer has a different spin on how they do their show.

For some, the playlist is on their iPads or (shudder) iPods.  Some bring in laptops or access their library from the station computers in the control room. There are those who peruse the extensive vinyl library or even bring in their own albums (they are the ones with very long arms from carrying all that weight) Still others, the ones with nerves of steel, show up, pull tons of music from the station library and do the entire show on the fly.  These are excellent shows.  I wish I knew how they ended up sounding so awesome.

I can only assume it's magic and they are wizards.

I am not  a wizard.

I pull my playlist from my iTunes library at home and mountains of CDs in the house.

The iTunes library threatens to shut down my old MAC as the storage space grows smaller and smaller.
Top of my to-do list: start deleting stuff everyday until it's under control. Frankly I hate doing that, it's like picking your favorite kid. And I suspect I am in denial.

I still have room in the bathroom to stack more CDs. That can wait for a while.

But the interesting addendum to this music situation is the mounting collection of burned show playlists.

You see I burn the list to disc in duplicate each week and then run between the two while on air.

This accomplishes three things.

First of all, I can concentrate on social media while the songs are on, knowing that it's just a matter of going from one to the other.

Secondly, although I check both discs before the show,  if one craps out (or the CD player proper, it's happened) there is back up.

However the third thing is the following : I have this ENORMOUS collection of playlist CDs.

Remember when people made mixtapes for their friends and families? And how you felt about receiving them for every birthday and Christmas?  Imagine belonging to a family that thinks Billy Joel is the voice of our generation and your show is a happy jumble of punk, psychedelic, garage, rock, indie...well you get the drift.

I'm not sure Daddio would survive listening to my show very long. To try might result in a stroke.

So, each and every time someone tells me they liked a track from that week, I mail them the disc.
It gets really expensive during the Membership Drive as a community radio station doesn't have the funds to pay for that kind of postage.  And I have no doubt there are rules about this sort of thing, you know, copyrights and stuff.

I really wish I could be one of those other programmers. But that would mean joining the 21st century.

And I suspect that might not happen anytime soon.

In the meantime, watch your mailbox. You never know what might be coming your way.

Love Your Radio

Hey everybody,

While walking the dog this morning, I suddenly was struck by an inspiration. Or maybe it was more like caffeine deficit catching up with me. Either way, I decided to start an independent blog about what goes through the mind of a programmer (me) who does an on air  show each and every week.

There's a lot more to the process than you would think. The commitment goes well beyond that 56 minutes (ads and station IDs aside) of the actual show. There's gathering music (ongoing) pulling a playlist and rearranging it 6 or 7 times until it flows, posting playlists, social media, responding to emails from bands who have stuff to share, answering mail from listeners (not as common as you would think for an open format music show on community radio LOL) occasionally attending events but more often sending regrets because everything happens on Fridays and THAT'S WHEN THE SHOW AIRS. (I'm not bitter, really I'm not)

As for the day to day stuff that happens when one is in the station proper...well that's a story unto itself.

Am going to try to do this for one year.

And thanks for listening